Step up your expectations

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The Pygmalion Effect is also known as the Rosenthal Experiment, named after a research of Robert Rosenthal at Harvard, in his famous "Oak School" experiment in 1968. It’s a psychological phenomenon in which an individual's performance is influenced by the expectations placed upon them by others. This concept is rooted in the idea that beliefs and expectations can shape reality.

When high expectations are set, individuals are more likely to feel motivated and supported, which fosters greater effort and persistence. These expectations are often communicated unconsciously through subtle cues such as tone of voice, body language, or the level of attention and encouragement provided. I think positive expectations tend to enhance performance, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy that reinforces the initial belief.

The privilege of invisibility

Humans tend to judge others based on the most visible and easiest characteristics to perceive. This behaviour can be traced back to our evolutionary history, as early humans relied on quick assessments of their environment and others for survival. Recognising friend from foe, identifying members of their group, and judging potential threats were crucial for avoiding danger and ensuring the survival of the fittest.

In modern society, these deeply ingrained instincts persist, often manifesting as biases based on skin colour, size, or other physical traits. For me, as a Black person who is 2 meters tall and weighs over 100 kilograms, I stand out, and I don’t have the luxury of getting mad as I am perceived as a threat before I even open my mouth.

This visibility also brings opportunities, for example, standing out makes me more memorable in both professional and social settings, which is advantageous when networking or building connections. My physical presence can naturally command attention, making it easier to step into leadership roles or influence group dynamics. Additionally, visibility amplifies my voice when advocating for important causes or challenging inequalities, as people are more likely to notice and listen. Finally, for those who feel underrepresented, my presence can serve as a source of inspiration, showing that it’s possible to break barriers and thrive despite societal biases.

It’s easier to judge someone based on their skin colour than their skills, character, or beliefs. In today’s world, you can look at someone from 100 meters away and form a judgment about them solely based on their skin colour, long before you know any other aspects of their identity, such as their sexual orientation or religion.

Healing and growth

I don’t believe we can become the people we aspire to be, or create the world we want and need, without having hard conversations. I think that you can have courage without being vulnerable. And we must show up and allow ourselves to be seen, even when the outcome is beyond our control, because that’s the true definition of courage. These conversations may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, we grow familiar with them. After all, healing requires us to step into discomfort.

Facing adversity

© Erhui1979 c/o Getty Images

When facing adversity, we often hear the advice to "let it go." I think this phrase can be misleading and unhelpful, instead, the focus should be on "letting it be." Understanding the difference between these two approaches is crucial for building mental strength and resilience. "Letting it go" is one of the hardest concepts to grasp in psychology, where it is known as cognitive dismissal. This process involves attempting to forget or dismiss painful memories and emotions. However, as humans, we are wired to remember pain and significant experiences. These memories are programmed into our minds, and trying to erase them can feel almost impossible. In contrast, "letting it be" focuses on cognitive acceptance. This approach involves acknowledging and accepting our emotions and experiences without trying to force them away. By allowing ourselves to sit with these feelings, we can process them more effectively and integrate them into our lives in a healthier way.

Building mental muscles

c/o Lund University

Mental strength is not about repressing or denying our emotions. I think it’s about knowing the right strategies to use in order to navigate difficult situations. This is akin to "building mental muscles." Just as we go to the gym to lift weights and build physical strength, we must also engage in practices that build our mental resilience. Some practical strategies include mindfulness meditation, journaling, self-compassion, seeking support, and setting boundaries. By embracing cognitive acceptance and employing strategies to build mental resilience, we can navigate adversity more effectively and emerge stronger. Remember, mental strength is not about denying our pain but about knowing how to handle it with grace and wisdom.

Cultural accountability

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Winners hate to lose but are not afraid of failure as they understand that fear prevents us from attempting the very things that lead to success. In organisations, cultural architects embody this mindset, they are the leaders who drive progress and inspire others to move forward. In contrast, cultural prisoners are the naysayers who focus on obstacles and why something cannot be done rather than finding solutions. Reflecting on your organisation, how many people would you identify as cultural architects, and how many as cultural prisoners?

““Whatever is happening to you has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time.””
— Marcus Aurelius

In the face of adversity

For a long time, I told myself that nothing could hurt or damage me because I was mentally strong, but the truth is, it wasn’t mental strength protecting me, it was the armour I had built around myself. True mental strength isn’t about suppressing or minimising emotions, it’s about learning how to manage them in a healthy and productive way. Now, I’ve come to a place where I can handle those challenging feelings much better. I’ve realised that, often, the emotions I face aren’t entirely about the present moment, they’re connected to unresolved parts of my history. Recognising this has been a key step in my growth, helping me understand that to truly move forward, I need to address those deeper layers.

You know what you are

It all starts with intention, setting a clear goal or purpose. From there, it becomes a behaviour, something you actively choose to do. With repetition, that behaviour transforms into a habit, something you do consistently. Over time, it evolves into a practice, a deliberate and refined part of your routine. Eventually, it becomes second nature, something you do effortlessly, until finally, it is no longer something you do - it is simply who you are.

Anchored in trust

The strength that stays are:

  • Be a safe person.

  • Be someone who can be trusted to hold another person’s vulnerabilities, struggles, and fears with care. All while offering wisdom, protection, and confidentiality in return.

  • Be someone whose energy and presence bring serenity and joy, creating a sense of security for those around them.

  • Be a person whose words breathe life, and whose embrace makes even a stranger feel seen, heard, and loved.

““When setting out on a journey, do not seek advice from those who have never left home.””
— Rumi
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Welcome to the team

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c/o Vecteezy

I think by broadening the scope of DEI to include neurodiversity will have a transformative impact, for example:

  • Shifting the focus to innovation: Neurodivergent team members bring unique perspectives that fuel creativity and problem-solving, moving DEI beyond mere compliance.

  • Making DEI personal and actionable: Recognising invisible differences fosters empathy, adaptability, and meaningful inclusion for everyone.

  • Redefining the DEI narrative: It evolves from a checkbox exercise into a critical strategy for building resilient, future-ready teams.

Contact me via email for emotional intelligent leadership development coaching.

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What do you see?

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As organisations re-evaluate their diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) practices, it's vital to broaden our understanding of what diversity truly means. Let’s talk about neurodiversity, it’s a powerful dimension of human diversity that deserves greater recognition and celebration. Neurodiversity refers to the diversity in how people think, process information, and interact with the world. Around 15–20% of the global population is neurodivergent, encompassing conditions such as dyslexia, ADHD, autism, anxiety, epilepsy, and Tourette’s syndrome. Each of these represents a different way the brain works, offering unique strengths and challenges compared to neurotypical individuals. Contact me via email for emotional intelligent leadership development coaching.

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I see you

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The term, neurodiversity was coined by sociologist Judy Singer in 1997, and challenges the idea that everyone should conform to a single "normal" way of thinking or behaving. Instead, it encourages us to embrace the diverse ways in which brains function and recognise the value these differences bring. For leaders, incorporating neurodiverse team members is not about accommodation alone, it’s about unlocking potential, for example:

- Neurodivergent individuals often bring unique problem-solving approaches, heightened creativity, or exceptional attention to detail.
- Clear, flexible, and personalised communication ensures everyone feels valued and understood.
- Create an environment where team members feel comfortable expressing their needs without fear of judgment.
- Sensory-friendly environments or hybrid work options can empower neurodiverse individuals to thrive.
- Equip yourself and your team with training on neurodiversity to break down misconceptions and foster inclusivity.


I think by embracing neurodiversity, leaders not only build stronger, more innovative teams but also create cultures where everyone can bring their full selves to work. Contact me via email for emotional intelligent leadership development coaching.

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Seeing work as a game

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A game, at its core, is a structured interaction involving multiple players, a set of rules, and potential outcomes. In any situation where we face decisions, we can frame it as a game to gain clarity and strategy. Games exist in every strategy, whether we acknowledge them or not. Here are a few universal truths about games:

  • You don’t need to enjoy a game for it to still be a game.

  • You’re often playing a game without even realising it, and recognising it as a game can significantly improve your ability to navigate it.

  • The outcome of a game isn’t necessarily tied to how much you want to win as desire alone isn’t enough.

  • Some games are easy to step away from, while others are perpetual and ongoing.

  • Importantly, no game stays static. The act of playing inherently evolves the game itself.

Viewing a project or a challenge as a game offers a unique advantage: it allows us to depersonalise our work. This perspective can reduce emotional entanglement, foster creativity, and encourage a more strategic mindset. I think by recognising the "game" in what we do transforms how we approach decisions and adapt to changing circumstances.

Understanding identity

©Monika Aichele c/o The New York Times

When the perception of an external existential threat fades, we often rally around our shared values and beliefs as a nation. It becomes easier to define and quantify what we stand for when we can clearly see what we stand against. However, in the absence of an external adversary, it becomes challenging to articulate our core values. This can lead us to search for something – anything - to oppose, as a way of understanding and reaffirming our identity. I think that when no external threat exists, we turn inward, leading to infighting within our own borders, as we lose the unifying force of a common external challenge to bind us as a tribe.

Leading diverse teams

c/o LinkedIn

The success gap between emotionally intelligent leaders and those who remain unaware is striking. According to Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence accounts for 90% of the difference between exceptional leaders and average ones. However, while emotional intelligence (EQ) is essential, does it fully equip you to lead a diverse team effectively? I think EQ is vital for managing the challenges of navigating a group with varying opinions, values, and needs. Yesterday, I had an insightful conversation with a cultural intelligence (CQ) expert, which made me realise that building trust within a diverse team also requires CQ.

Layers of complexity

Leadership today is more challenging than ever, as it requires navigating the complexities of human anxiety, uncertainty, ambition, and egos - all at once. Leaders must also contend with younger employees who often project confidence, and assertiveness yet may still be uncertain about what they truly want. Millennials and Generation Z are unafraid to bypass their immediate managers to voice concerns directly, adding another layer of complexity. Furthermore, these generations tend to be less equipped to handle stress compared to their predecessors, underscoring the growing importance of effective and empathetic leadership.

Execution responsibility

Many people are conditioned to believe that being gracious means avoiding speaking up, especially when their boss gives instructions. This creates a false dichotomy: either stay silent or become overly critical by questioning and complaining about everything. I don’t think that either approach is effective. Instead, managers and leaders should focus on fostering accountability and encouraging conversations that matter. Holding your team accountable often serves as a catalyst for meaningful dialogue. I think by creating a space where employees feel safe to discuss how they can achieve the goals they were hired to accomplish, managers and leaders can cultivate a collaborative and productive environment.

Don’t chase the trend

We often protect what we believe we do, rather than grounding ourselves in the first principles of what we actually do. The question then becomes, how can I meet people where they are, offering them a meaningful path toward their aspirations, in a way that aligns with my values and leaves me proud?

I think the world is constantly evolving, and with each shift, there emerges an opportunity, a chance for a change agent to step forward and reshape the narrative. What do you think?

““In infinite games, like business, the players come and go, the rules are changeable, and there is no defined endpoint. There are no winners or losers in an infinite game; there is only ahead and behind.””
— Simon Sinek

Feeling Stuck?

Feeling stuck often stems from a lack of direction or purpose. When this happens, it’s worth reflecting on key areas of personal growth that might need attention:

  • Confidence – Do you believe in your abilities and decisions?

  • Mindset – Are your thoughts supporting or hindering your progress?

  • Boundaries – Are you protecting your time, energy, and values?

  • Discipline – Are you consistently showing up for your goals?

  • Communication Skills – Can you effectively express yourself and your needs?

  • Self-Respect – Are you treating yourself with the dignity you deserve?

If you’re ready to explore your next steps, contact me via email to arrange a free 30-minute discovery call.

Understanding the needs and expectations

Relationship management is the ability to build strong connections, communicate effectively, and collaborate with others. It is the most visible aspect of leadership, reflected in how leaders guide, influence, and inspire those around them. Effective leaders motivate others by articulating purpose and meaning in their work, fostering both individual and team success. I think they manage conflicts constructively, remaining calm and focused on solutions that allow all parties to thrive. Beyond achieving immediate results, great leaders are also invested in developing future leaders, helping others build their strengths and reinforcing the leadership foundation of their organisation for long-term growth.