coaching — I THINK — Stephen Burrell

coaching

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Let's speak about conditioning

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c/o University of the Pacific

Women in many Western societies are conditioned to:
- Be grateful
- Know their place
- Be patient
- Take what's offered
- Seek validation

These messages shape careers, leadership journeys, and confidence levels. They influence how women negotiate, advocate for themselves, and take up space in the world. I think conditioning can be unlearned. Boldness can be built and systems can be challenged. This month, beyond celebrating achievements, let’s also reflect on what still needs to change. Let’s empower, uplift, and dismantle the barriers, both internal and external.

Send me an e-mail and let me know which one piece of conditioning you have had to unlearn.

Stay right there

Confidence and focus are like muscles, and they both need constant maintenance. Even the most self-assured person can start a downward spiral when faced with an unexpected setback at work or in life. Likewise, being highly goal-oriented doesn’t make you immune to distractions and unforeseen challenges can leave you feeling scattered and overwhelmed. I think to stay grounded, you must continuously exercise these mental muscles through self-regulation, ensuring that setbacks don’t derail your progress.

Trust and safety

c/o LinkedIn

Trust and safety are essential in a coaching relationship because our brains are constantly scanning for perceived threats or rewards. The amygdala plays a crucial role in this process, as it interprets sensory data from our environment to anticipate potential outcomes. When a situation feels unsafe or uncertain, the amygdala triggers a stress response, which can hinder our ability to think clearly. In contrast, the prefrontal cortex—responsible for executive functions such as deep thinking, problem-solving, decision-making, and memory—operates most effectively in a psychologically safe environment. This is why creating trust and safety in coaching is vital; it allows the prefrontal cortex to function optimally, enabling meaningful reflection and growth.

What do you think?

Inclusive leadership lies at the heart of DEI, and research shows that 70% of an employee's sense of feeling valued stems from what they see and hear from their leader. To foster this environment, leaders must take ownership and commit to creating programs and policies that make employees feel appreciated and included. I think by embracing inclusive leadership, organisations can unlock the benefits of diverse decision-making, gain new perspectives, and leverage those insights to build a competitive advantage. What do you think?

Empathy is not weakness

c/o Lolly Daskal ©

Words are powerful as they can both build up or tear down. An empathetic leader understands the weight of their words and speaks with thoughtfulness and restraint. They listen first, reflect, and then respond with wisdom. I think a leader’s words should inspire, uplift, and guide, never harm or discourage. In a world full of noise, an empathetic leader knows that intentional and thoughtful communication is key to lasting influence. What do you think?

An alternative model

Research indicates that while 80% of organisations consider leadership a high priority, only 41% are adequately prepared to meet the challenges of identifying and developing leadership talent. To address this gap, I offer comprehensive leadership coaching that focuses on emotional intelligence and cultural understanding. My approach begins by helping you envision a detailed and vivid picture of your future, creating a clear and compelling vision of what you want to achieve. Once we establish and understand your unique perspective, we can identify new outcomes and goals that align with your aspirations. From there, we dive into tailored coaching sessions designed to unlock your potential and equip you with the skills needed to thrive as a leader.
Contact me via email for further details.

Subtle shifts in behaviour

We live in an era shaped by ambitious goals and external expectations, where the pressure to measure up to others can make personal aspirations feel out of reach. The constant comparison - whether in careers, leadership, or personal growth - can create a sense of distance from one’s own path. As a leader, manager, or executive, the ability to navigate these pressures with clarity and confidence is crucial. Investing in coaching isn’t just a professional decision; it’s a commitment to self-awareness, strategic thinking, and sustainable growth. By developing your leadership capacity, you not only elevate yourself but also create a ripple effect that empowers those around you.

If you're ready to take the next step in your leadership journey, let’s connect. Send me an email to schedule a free 30-minute discovery session and explore how coaching can support your goals.

You know what you are

It all starts with intention, setting a clear goal or purpose. From there, it becomes a behaviour, something you actively choose to do. With repetition, that behaviour transforms into a habit, something you do consistently. Over time, it evolves into a practice, a deliberate and refined part of your routine. Eventually, it becomes second nature, something you do effortlessly, until finally, it is no longer something you do - it is simply who you are.

Leading diverse teams

c/o LinkedIn

The success gap between emotionally intelligent leaders and those who remain unaware is striking. According to Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence accounts for 90% of the difference between exceptional leaders and average ones. However, while emotional intelligence (EQ) is essential, does it fully equip you to lead a diverse team effectively? I think EQ is vital for managing the challenges of navigating a group with varying opinions, values, and needs. Yesterday, I had an insightful conversation with a cultural intelligence (CQ) expert, which made me realise that building trust within a diverse team also requires CQ.

Feeling Stuck?

Feeling stuck often stems from a lack of direction or purpose. When this happens, it’s worth reflecting on key areas of personal growth that might need attention:

  • Confidence – Do you believe in your abilities and decisions?

  • Mindset – Are your thoughts supporting or hindering your progress?

  • Boundaries – Are you protecting your time, energy, and values?

  • Discipline – Are you consistently showing up for your goals?

  • Communication Skills – Can you effectively express yourself and your needs?

  • Self-Respect – Are you treating yourself with the dignity you deserve?

If you’re ready to explore your next steps, contact me via email to arrange a free 30-minute discovery call.

Understanding the needs and expectations

Relationship management is the ability to build strong connections, communicate effectively, and collaborate with others. It is the most visible aspect of leadership, reflected in how leaders guide, influence, and inspire those around them. Effective leaders motivate others by articulating purpose and meaning in their work, fostering both individual and team success. I think they manage conflicts constructively, remaining calm and focused on solutions that allow all parties to thrive. Beyond achieving immediate results, great leaders are also invested in developing future leaders, helping others build their strengths and reinforcing the leadership foundation of their organisation for long-term growth.

Accurate perceptions of people

Social awareness is the ability to assess your environment and understand the emotions, needs, and perspectives of others, including how your organisation operates from a systems perspective. For leaders, what matters most is empathy, the ability to tune into the people around you, whether they are above, besides, or below you. Effective tuning in involves three key components:

1. Cognitive empathy – Understanding how others perceive a situation and seeing it from their perspective which is often described as “walking a mile in their shoes.” This includes sensing the language or mental models they use to interpret reality and communicating in a way that resonates with their inner framework.

2. Emotional empathy – Leveraging the brain’s social circuitry to instinctively and consciously connect with others. This allows leaders to sense what others are feeling, fostering real-time emotional alignment and keeping interactions on track.

3. Empathic concern (caring) – Going beyond understanding thoughts and feelings to genuinely caring about others. Leaders who demonstrate this ability build trust and rapport by showing that they value and support the people they lead.

Improvement is always possible

Self-management is the ability to regulate and control your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours effectively. It consists of four key components:

  1. Self-control – Managing upsetting emotions to maintain focus and emotional balance.

  2. Positive outlook – Seeing the bright side of situations, even in the face of challenges.

  3. Adaptability – Adjusting to changing circumstances while embracing a growth mindset. It’s the belief that improvement is always possible.

  4. Achievement orientation – Staying focused on meaningful goals despite daily distractions. Goal-setting also serves as a powerful tool for emotional self-management.

Self-awareness is key

Self-awareness is the ability to understand your emotions and how they shape your perceptions, thoughts, and impulses to act. Emotional self-awareness helps direct our attention, making it crucial to recognise what we are feeling, how intensely we feel it, and where it is guiding our focus - since attention ultimately shapes our reality. I think being aware of how emotions influence attention provides a valuable diagnosis of our current state. Maturity, in this context, involves widening the gap between impulse and action.

Although self-awareness is the least visible aspect of emotional intelligence, research indicates that individuals with low self-awareness struggle to develop strengths in other areas of EQ. By contrast, those with high emotional intelligence consistently achieve excellence across various domains.

The cornerstone of trust

Emotional intelligence (EQ) involves recognising, understanding, and managing one's own emotions, as well as influencing the emotions of others. Daniel Goleman's research indicates a strong correlation between high emotional intelligence and exceptional leadership performance. Unlike IQ, which remains relatively constant throughout life, EQ can be developed and enhanced at any stage. Harvard University emphasises the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership, offering programs designed to help leaders build trust, manage difficult discussions, and enhance team performance through improved emotional intelligence.

Over the next four days I will be writing about self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relational management as these are the cornerstones of EQ.

Questions to ask yourself

As we are in the last day of 2024, here are some questions to reflect on:

  1. What are you thinking right now?

    • What patterns or themes do you notice in these thoughts?

  2. Why are you choosing to think this thought?

    • Is this thought serving you, or is it holding you back?

  3. How does this thought feel?

    • What emotions are tied to it, and how are they influencing your actions?

  4. What thought is causing the way I feel right now?

    • How can I reframe this thought to shift my mindset or energy?

As you reflect on these questions, take a moment to write down any insights or patterns that stand out. What shifts do you want to make heading into 2025? If you’re ready to explore these thoughts further and create a plan for the year ahead, contact me via email for a free 30-minute discovery session. Together, we can build momentum and set you up for success!

Teach them how to fish

Human beings are more likely to commit to and remain loyal to decisions they make for themselves, rather than following instructions imposed by others about what they should do, think, or feel. That's why I don’t give my clients advice, I prefer to metaphorically teach them how to fish, rather than simply handing them a fish dinner. True empowerment comes not from showcasing my own intelligence, but from leveraging my curiosity to deeply explore their challenges.

““Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.””
— Unknown

Trust yourself

The certainty I have as a coach is grounded in the curiosity I bring to my questions. My coaching language is intentionally simple, inspired by childlike curiosity, and supported by a deep understanding of human behaviour. I believe there is no problem I cannot help my clients navigate because the answers already reside within them. With millions of people facing millions of challenges, it’s not my role to provide solutions but to empower clients to uncover their own. My calmness in coaching stems from this belief—that whoever holds the problem also holds the solution. This perspective is profoundly liberating, as it allows me to approach every session with curiosity, guiding clients through thoughtful questions that lead them to discover their own answers.

If you're ready to unlock solutions to your challenges and gain clarity through meaningful conversations, I invite you to book a free 30-minute discovery meeting with me via email. Let’s explore how coaching can support your growth and success.

It's a niche market

As we approach 2025, the leadership coaching industry is experiencing significant growth and transformation. The number of certified coach practitioners worldwide surged from 71,000 in 2019 to 109,200 in 2022, marking a 54% increase. This expansion underscores the importance of clear positioning in a competitive market. My focus is on delivering unique value that resonates with clients seeking distinctive solutions and I invite you to join the conversation.

Let's discuss the challenges you face and explore various approaches to leadership development. Together, we can evaluate the pros and cons of each method to determine the best path forward. This isn't about prescribing solutions; it's about engaging in meaningful dialogue and sharing insights that matter. Your perspective is invaluable as we navigate the evolving landscape of leadership coaching. Contact me via email for a “free” 30 minute discovery meeting.

Language is vital

Curiosity becomes even more powerful when paired with knowledge. I mean the knowledge of how the brain works, how humans form beliefs, how trauma can be released from the body, and how conflicts of values and identities can be resolved. In my coaching sessions, I build on this foundation of curiosity by layering high-level questions as I believe this is where real transformation happens. People’s beliefs often reveal themselves through their language although most of the time, they don’t even notice it. That’s why I focus on active listening. I just let go of any attachment to what I think I might need and simply stay present. And when I do, the words my clients speak naturally guide me to the next question, the one that could change everything.