Scientific knowledge provides robust evidence about human motivation, emotional intelligence, and effective leadership, showing us how to create better, healthier, and more productive workplaces. However, this knowledge is often not systematically applied in daily organisational practice. As a coach and DEIB practitioner, I am dedicated to exploring methodologies for translating empirical findings into practical strategies that address the complex demands of everyday working environments. Contact me via email if I can be of service to you or your organisation.
It's OK
Emotional intelligence isn’t just about being kind or approachable, it’s about being powerful with people, not over them. And that’s the kind of leadership organisations need if they are serious about meaningful, sustainable transformation. I think this is because in times of transformation, your presence matters as much as your strategy.
Focusing on practical aspects
Leadership today is not just about vision, strategy, or performance metrics, it’s about presence. And not just the kind that shows up in meetings or quarterly reports, but the kind that’s felt by the people around you. Authentic leadership is not about being universally liked, it's about being consistent, grounded, and brave enough to embody values even when they challenge the norm.
I think in transformation contexts where uncertainty is high and morale can be fragile this kind of leadership becomes critical. It stabilises teams without sugarcoating reality. It encourages innovation without glossing over fear, and it helps people stay resilient through the messy, human process of change.
The tension
I think authentic leadership doesn’t always land softly. It can challenge cultures that are resistant to change. It can unsettle environments where vulnerability feels risky. And that’s okay. Emotional intelligence isn’t about being agreeable, it’s about being grounded, intentional, and human. It’s about holding space for discomfort anddriving momentum forward. If you are leading transformation, you should expect a bit of friction as that’s not failure, it’s the work.
This is a critical factor
Leaders with high emotional intelligence (EQ) don’t just command respect they also create connection. Their ability to self-regulate, empathise, listen actively, and respond with intention builds psychological safety, trust, and long-term engagement within their teams. Some people call them soft skills but in reality they are strategic skills.
Emotional intelligence also has a disruptive edge, and when practiced with authenticity, it can surface discomfort in environments resistant to change. I think people may resist vulnerability, they may distrust candor, and in many legacy organisations, empathy can even be misread as weakness. This is why senior leaders must not only model emotional intelligence, but also be prepared to manage the disruption it can cause.
““Nothing is given, everything is earned.””
EQ is interesting
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is so much more than just managing your emotions. It’s the ability to pause when something triggers you and ask, “What deeper pain or belief is being touched right now?” EQ is the understanding that life constantly tests us, and that not everything is meant to be held onto. It’s not about suppressing your feelings; it’s about facing them with honesty, healing what hurts, and turning your struggles into strength.
Take responsibility
In today’s fast-paced world, where many interactions feel transactional, choosing to lead with presence and emotional intelligence is not just courageous, it’s transformational. It requires slowing down in a culture that rewards speed, listening deeply when distractions are everywhere, and responding with empathy even when pressure mounts. Leading this way builds trust, strengthens relationships, and creates space for people to show up as their full selves. It’s not about being soft, it’s about being strategic with humanity at the core.
Emotional intelligence helps leaders navigate complexity, manage their own reactions, and foster environments where collaboration, innovation, and accountability thrive. I think in a time when so many are craving connection and meaning, this kind of leadership is more than a skill, it’s a responsibility.
An alternative model
Research indicates that while 80% of organisations consider leadership a high priority, only 41% are adequately prepared to meet the challenges of identifying and developing leadership talent. To address this gap, I offer comprehensive leadership coaching that focuses on emotional intelligence and cultural understanding. My approach begins by helping you envision a detailed and vivid picture of your future, creating a clear and compelling vision of what you want to achieve. Once we establish and understand your unique perspective, we can identify new outcomes and goals that align with your aspirations. From there, we dive into tailored coaching sessions designed to unlock your potential and equip you with the skills needed to thrive as a leader.
Contact me via email for further details.
The awareness of self
Although self-awareness is the least visible aspect of emotional intelligence (EQ), research indicates that individuals with low self-awareness struggle to develop strengths in other areas of EQ. By contrast, those with high emotional intelligence consistently achieve excellence in leadership, decision-making, and relationships. To cultivate self-awareness in emotional intelligence, it’s essential to focus on four key components.
Recognising emotions and their impact is like having an emotional radar, constantly scanning for shifts in your internal weather. This awareness helps you stay attuned to your feelings and how they influence your actions.
Understanding your personal strengths and limitations allows you to know when to lean into your superpowers - and when it’s time to call for backup.
Identifying your values and motivations serves as an internal compass, guiding you toward what truly matters in life.
Acknowledging biases and blind spots is crucial; while we all have them, the self-aware make a conscious effort to recognise and reduce their influence.
Together, these components form the foundation of emotional intelligence and a deeper connection to yourself and others. How do you cultivate self-awareness in your daily life?
Leading diverse teams
c/o LinkedIn
The success gap between emotionally intelligent leaders and those who remain unaware is striking. According to Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence accounts for 90% of the difference between exceptional leaders and average ones. However, while emotional intelligence (EQ) is essential, does it fully equip you to lead a diverse team effectively? I think EQ is vital for managing the challenges of navigating a group with varying opinions, values, and needs. Yesterday, I had an insightful conversation with a cultural intelligence (CQ) expert, which made me realise that building trust within a diverse team also requires CQ.
Understanding the needs and expectations
Relationship management is the ability to build strong connections, communicate effectively, and collaborate with others. It is the most visible aspect of leadership, reflected in how leaders guide, influence, and inspire those around them. Effective leaders motivate others by articulating purpose and meaning in their work, fostering both individual and team success. I think they manage conflicts constructively, remaining calm and focused on solutions that allow all parties to thrive. Beyond achieving immediate results, great leaders are also invested in developing future leaders, helping others build their strengths and reinforcing the leadership foundation of their organisation for long-term growth.
Accurate perceptions of people
Social awareness is the ability to assess your environment and understand the emotions, needs, and perspectives of others, including how your organisation operates from a systems perspective. For leaders, what matters most is empathy, the ability to tune into the people around you, whether they are above, besides, or below you. Effective tuning in involves three key components:
1. Cognitive empathy – Understanding how others perceive a situation and seeing it from their perspective which is often described as “walking a mile in their shoes.” This includes sensing the language or mental models they use to interpret reality and communicating in a way that resonates with their inner framework.
2. Emotional empathy – Leveraging the brain’s social circuitry to instinctively and consciously connect with others. This allows leaders to sense what others are feeling, fostering real-time emotional alignment and keeping interactions on track.
3. Empathic concern (caring) – Going beyond understanding thoughts and feelings to genuinely caring about others. Leaders who demonstrate this ability build trust and rapport by showing that they value and support the people they lead.
Improvement is always possible
Self-management is the ability to regulate and control your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours effectively. It consists of four key components:
Self-control – Managing upsetting emotions to maintain focus and emotional balance.
Positive outlook – Seeing the bright side of situations, even in the face of challenges.
Adaptability – Adjusting to changing circumstances while embracing a growth mindset. It’s the belief that improvement is always possible.
Achievement orientation – Staying focused on meaningful goals despite daily distractions. Goal-setting also serves as a powerful tool for emotional self-management.
Self-awareness is key
Self-awareness is the ability to understand your emotions and how they shape your perceptions, thoughts, and impulses to act. Emotional self-awareness helps direct our attention, making it crucial to recognise what we are feeling, how intensely we feel it, and where it is guiding our focus - since attention ultimately shapes our reality. I think being aware of how emotions influence attention provides a valuable diagnosis of our current state. Maturity, in this context, involves widening the gap between impulse and action.
Although self-awareness is the least visible aspect of emotional intelligence, research indicates that individuals with low self-awareness struggle to develop strengths in other areas of EQ. By contrast, those with high emotional intelligence consistently achieve excellence across various domains.
The cornerstone of trust
Emotional intelligence (EQ) involves recognising, understanding, and managing one's own emotions, as well as influencing the emotions of others. Daniel Goleman's research indicates a strong correlation between high emotional intelligence and exceptional leadership performance. Unlike IQ, which remains relatively constant throughout life, EQ can be developed and enhanced at any stage. Harvard University emphasises the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership, offering programs designed to help leaders build trust, manage difficult discussions, and enhance team performance through improved emotional intelligence.
Over the next four days I will be writing about self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relational management as these are the cornerstones of EQ.
Emotional conversations
Illustration: Liz Fossilien ©
If you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you, you will continue to struggle. True power lies in sitting back and observing things with logic and restraint. If words control you, it means everyone else can control you. I think you should just breathe and let things pass.
““If you start a conversation with the assumption that you are right or that you must win, obviously it is difficult to talk.””
Stop making excuses
Successful leaders often rely on mentors and coaches to provide guidance, support, and valuable insights, enabling them to navigate challenges and develop their skills effectively. They also demonstrate the ability to address uncomfortable truths with honesty and compassion, which helps to build trust and credibility within their teams. Emotional intelligence is recognised as a critical skill for leaders, as it allows them to be genuine and transparent, thereby inspiring and influencing others positively. In my experience, leaders with strong emotional intelligence are adept at holding themselves and their team members accountable for results without resorting to excuses.
Walk into any situation
When you're not desperate for the sale, and when you're not attached to the outcome - which is an emotional intelligence trait - you can walk into any situation and be okay with whatever happens because you have confidence in yourself. This includes having the ability to ask open-ended questions and to adapt your approach as needed. For example, if someone says "no," it's not a problem; you simply pivot and continue the conversation elsewhere. During discovery calls, I tend to probe with questions, seeking out sensitive areas or emotional cues. These conversations are fluid, allowing me to guide them towards an outcome, and when I am met with a "no," I seamlessly transition to the next topic while maintaining a questioning mindset.
Contact me here or via e-mail for sales training and workshops.
These basic things
What are you doing to help the people relieve the tension?
I make a conscious effort to smile throughout the day and take the time to appreciate the little things, for example, the architectural detail on buildings. A simple smile, can reduce stress, help heart health, lower blood pressure, and boost your immune system by decreasing cortisol in the body. Smiling, genuine or even forced, prompts the brain to produce endorphins and serotonin which may have a positive effect on your mood. Try it – SMILE. I think that if we make new behaviours fun, we are far more likely to do them in a consistent and repeatable way.
Manage your own emotions
Most people don’t have the emotional intelligence to understand their own thinking and feeling process. We have men and women who are envious and jealous of each other because they don’t understand where these emotions arise from. Jealousy is when you see somebody that has something and you don’t want them to have it, and envy is when you see someone with something you want and you don’t particularly want them to have it, but you want it to, so you’re envious of them at all times. Most people don’t have enough emotional intelligence to check themselves.
Answer the following questions:
· What’s my educational level?
· What’s my environment like?
· What are my experiences?
· What’s my level of execution?
· What’s my emotional intelligence?
· Is what you are doing aligned with your values?
Contact me via e-mail to book coaching, mentoring or 1:1 sparring sessions.