Growth and development are continual processes that require us to evolve beyond where we are today. True growth happens when we pause to reflect on our experiences and transform them into valuable insights. This process allows us to recognise that the tools, habits, and strategies that got us to our current level of success are often not sufficient to take us to the next level. As we embrace this truth, we open ourselves to new possibilities, learning, and opportunities for improvement. Life becomes much easier once we understand that growth requires change, and with every step forward, we must adapt, refine, and level up. By committing to reflection and learning, we ensure that our experiences are not wasted but instead serve as stepping stones toward continuous personal and professional development.
The DOUSE model
The DOUSE model, designed by Karen Foy and Suzanne Hayes-Jones, is a structured approach to ending a coaching conversation with a well-formed outcome aligned to the agreed goal.
The acronym stands for:
Double check the goal
Obstacles
Uncovered
Support
Ending
As we conclude a coaching session, the aim is to do so purposefully, supporting the coachee to design actionable steps, consolidate their learning about themselves and the situation, and feel empowered to move forward with clarity and confidence. Additionally, we want to ensure the session ends in the spirit of partnership, just as it began.
The STOKERS model
The STOKERS model, adapted from Claire Pedrick of 3DCoaching.com, emphasises starting a coaching session with the end in mind. The term "stoker" originates from tandem cycling, where the stoker (the person at the back) provides power to the ride, while the captain (the person at the front) sets the direction. Similarly, in coaching, the coach provides structure and energy for the conversation, while the client determines its direction and focus.
The STOKERS model provides a simple framework for shaping coaching conversations:
Subject: What do we need to think about today?
Time: Given we have X minutes, what about that should we focus on?
Outcome: What would you like to be different by the end of our session?
Know: How will you know you’ve achieved what you needed from this time?
Essence: What makes this meaningful or important? What is at the heart of this issue?
Role: How should we approach this together?
Start: Where shall we begin?
This model helps create clarity and momentum, ensuring both coach and client stay aligned and purposeful throughout the session.
Building systems
A few weeks ago when I was in London, I heard this statement: “You don’t rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems.” I thought it was time to take a deeper dive.
If you’re struggling to improve a situation, the issue isn’t you, it’s your system. Change doesn’t fail because we lack the desire to change; it fails because we’re working with the wrong system. We are often told to be more ambitious, set bigger goals, or think bigger. While thinking big has its place, setting a goal is actually the easy part. The hard part is building a system of behaviours that consistently move you toward that goal. A goal is simply a desired outcome, a target, and on the other hand, your system is the collection of daily habits you follow. I think if there’s ever a gap between your goal and your system, your daily habits will always win. By definition, your current habits are perfectly designed to deliver your current results.
Why is this so hard?
Illustration @clinpsych_ind
What I’ve learned about company and team culture is that it begins with a mission. From the mission, you define the behaviours needed to achieve it and the values required to support those behaviours. You then build the people, processes, and systems around those values. To sustain the culture, you must ensure these values are lived every day, including hiring people who align with them.
Madonna speaks
Madonna has never been one to shy away from controversy, but perhaps her most powerful act has been her unwavering presence. Her words resonate deeply: "If you're a girl, you have to play the game. What is that game? You are allowed to be pretty and cute and sexy, but don't act too smart, don't have an opinion. Women have been so oppressed for so long, they believe they have to back a man to get the job done."
These truths cut to the heart of systemic barriers women face. Yet, her message isn’t just about exposing these struggles, it’s a rallying cry for action. She reminds us of the power of women supporting women: "Seek out strong women to befriend, to align yourself with, to learn from, to be inspired by, to collaborate with, to support."
Her resilience in the face of criticism, her refusal to let others dictate her worth, and her unapologetic voice are lessons for us all. To every woman who’s been told she’s "too much," "too opinionated," or "too ambitious," Madonna’s story shows us that resistance can be fuel. Let’s take her words to heart and build each other up, not just for ourselves but for the generations of women who follow.
The voice inside your head
In leadership, it’s not just about what we say; what truly matters is how others interpret and internalise our words and actions. Similarly, how we perceive others, based on ingrained assumptions can heavily influence our decisions and interactions. For example, consider a workplace scenario involving diversity bias. A woman of colour applying for a leadership position might be overlooked because decision-makers unconsciously associate leadership qualities with traits they've historically observed in male leaders from similar cultural backgrounds. Despite her strong qualifications, the cognitive dissonance between their stereotype of a "leader" and her identity as a candidate may prevent them from recognising her potential.
This highlights why it's essential to challenge our biases and broaden our perspectives to ensure fairer, more effective leadership practices. How are you dealing with your biases?
Help or hindrance
One of my favourite principles in psychology is the cognitive dissonance theory. It suggests that we often perceive people in ways that align with our existing stereotypes, rather than seeing them as they truly are. In other words, we interpret reality through the lens of what we think is there, not necessarily what is there. This has significant implications for leadership.
Sartorial eyes
““The strongest of all warriors are these two - Time and Patience.””
Julefrokost
The next exit
I think to effect real change in the DEI space, we are going to need a two-pronged approach: legal solutions and a plan to shift cultural norms. Cultural change requires long-term vision and multiple strategies. Diversity training, when thoughtfully designed to address the needs of schools, universities, workplaces, and society at large, especially if it incorporates a visual component and is repeated over time has the potential to foster greater collective harmony. It can serve as a vital tool for advancing pluralism. Let’s approach diversity training with an open mind, recognising that it is a work in progress. While it may never be the most exciting endeavor, its impact could be profound.
The magic recipe
I believe documentary films can serve as powerful agents of change. A compelling story, well-told with a strong visual component, can provide a positive and accurate representation of a social group. When such films are viewed repeatedly over time, they become pleasant, accessible, and memorable, qualities that align with effective diversity training. One-off diversity training sessions alone cannot address the complexities of a fragmented society or the challenges of diversity. While no single approach is perfect, documentaries can play a vital role in helping us confront and make peace with the unfamiliar and uncomfortable parts of ourselves.
Social constraints
Race may be a social construct, but racism is a very real system. If we think of racism as a system, it becomes clear that its operation doesn’t depend on who is in charge. Whether the hands steering it are Black, brown, or white, the system continues to function as designed. In the West, the individual successes of middle-class Black people are almost always deeply connected to the collective struggles and advances made by working-class Black communities. Yet, paradoxically, it is often the working-class Black individuals who see the least benefit from these advances.
““There is an understanding of diversity as the difference that brings no difference and the change that brings no change.””
Fighting the war within
Everyone is fighting an internal battle, whether it’s in their relationships, mental health, or finances. That’s why showing a little more compassion every day is so important as we rarely know what others are going through. It’s easy to be critical or judgmental, especially when someone has different political views, opinions, or even behaves rudely. I think choosing kindness may make a bigger difference than we realise.
““Do not assume you’re smarter simply because you’re older.” ”
The hard work starts now
Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives are deeply rooted in principles of change management and organisational development, providing a structural framework for implementing systemic and lasting change. I think working in the DEI space can be emotionally demanding, requiring self-awareness and self-care to prevent burnout. DEI practitioners must remain introspective, recognise their limits, and prioritise their well-being to sustain their efforts. Additionally, expertise in DEI often stems from hands-on experience and a process of trial and error. Many traditional approaches and frameworks are not formally documented, highlighting the importance of continuous learning and adaptability.
Moving the needle
I work with leaders and senior executives to help them effectively lead employees from marginalized and underrepresented backgrounds. My approach is not about quick fixes or performances, it's about authenticity, connection, and transformation. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been deeply curious about people. This curiosity has shaped my career in learning and development, from consulting on DEI initiatives to coaching leaders. My goal has always been to create meaningful impact.
As a coach, I provide a safe space for leaders to take off their masks and share what’s truly on their minds,without fear of judgment. It’s in these honest conversations that real growth happens. If you’re ready to deepen your understanding, embrace inclusion, and create a workplace where every team member feels seen and valued, let’s talk. Contact me via email for a confidential meeting. Together, we can build stronger, more connected teams and lead the change that matters.
Kindness is the answer
My goal is to work with leaders and senior executives, helping them lead employees from marginalised and underrepresented backgrounds. Curiosity about people has shaped my life, and I create deep connections because I care about learning and understanding the people I work with. I’ve been fortunate to work in learning and development, consulting, implementing DEI initiatives, and coaching. I create a safe space where individuals can remove their masks, speak from the heart, and trust that I will never judge them. Contact me via email for a confidential meeting.
Supporting skills
Human beings naturally seek to understand their social status in relation to others. I think acknowledgement and recognition are powerful tools for enhancing status and fostering supportive behaviour. However, when people are uncertain about what to expect, they tend to become defensive. To create a sense of safety, it’s important to provide clarity about what they will experience. When coaching, understanding my own behavioural patterns helps me relate more effectively to my clients.
Opportunity gives courage
Success often requires taking risks, even when failure is a possibility. Think of an entrepreneur launching a new product: they risk financial loss but also open the door to innovation and market breakthroughs. In a corporate setting, a leader encouraging their team to test bold ideas - knowing some may fail - builds a culture of creativity and resilience. True success isn’t just about avoiding failure; it’s about embracing the lessons it brings and using them to grow stronger.
Building trust
While offering help shows generosity, asking for help fosters deeper trust because it reveals vulnerability and invites collaboration. For instance, a manager who admits they need input on a challenging project gives their team a chance to contribute, making them feel valued and trusted. Similarly, asking a colleague for advice on solving a problem strengthens the bond between you, as it shows respect for their expertise. Trust thrives in these moments of mutual exchange, creating a stronger sense of connection and teamwork. I think we don’t build trust by offering help; we build trust by asking for help.