I have been dealing with a challenging situation. Right now, I feel unappreciated and because I’ve been taken advantage of, and it’s incredibly draining. I think that by prioritising my own mental health is not selfish as it’s essential for my overall happiness and fulfilment. Nowadays, I recognise the importance of setting boundaries and communicating my needs. Surrounding myself with people who appreciate and reciprocate my generosity is crucial for maintaining my well-being.
External validation
c/o Health Shots
Are you comfortable in an environment where you must figure a lot of things out for yourself? I mean making decisions on your own. If you are someone who really needs a lot of validation to decide and is uncomfortable with having that blank slate and thinking for yourself then self-employment is not for you. You can grow so quickly at a start-up where you can build your skills after being thrown into the “deep end.” Contact me via e-mail to book coaching, mentoring or 1:1 sparring sessions.
A gift from me
As you heal, you need to start forgiving yourself for all the times you let yourself stay in situations you weren’t valued but overstayed in order to prove your value. Trying to prove you’re valuable to people who reject you is a trauma response. Being alone at this time of year can be hard. Reach out to me via e-mail if you need help, I’m there if you need it.
Pause and reflect
According to the Oxford English dictionary, “…a pause is a short period when you stop doing something before continuing, and when you reflect on something, you think deeply about it.” In these strange, uncertain and frightening times, how is it that some people ‘keep calm and carry on’, while others panic?
Get active and do some form of regular physical activity, even if it’s just walking 10 minutes a day.
Keep learning as your mind need to keep active too, so give it a regular workout.
Random acts of kindness are contagious, please spread the word.
We are hardwired to want social connections as they are essential to good mental wellbeing.
Take time to notice things, whether it’s your neighbour’s new hairstyle or reflecting on your experiences.
Caring for others, it’s essential to do what’s right for the global community.
Take time to shift your focus
I think that people with high levels of gratitude have low levels of resentment and envy. As when we take time to focus on what we are grateful for, we choose positive emotions over negative, thus we take steps to nurture our mental health and wellbeing. I was recently asked: How can we trigger gratitude in ourselves? And I answered, start with a gratitude practice, it’s like a workout or healthy eating plan for your mind and it’s simple.
Have you ever noticed that when you are looking to buy a new phone or a jacket all of a sudden everyone around you has it? That’s because, consciously or unconsciously, whatever we are focused on is what we see. If we want to trigger gratitude in ourselves, we need to intentionally shift our focus to that which we are grateful for. The simplest way to do this is through questions and prompts and a few daily rituals. Contact me via e-mail when you are ready to shift your focus.
“You can’t feel envious and grateful at the same time. They’re incompatible feelings, because if you’re grateful, you can’t resent someone for owning things you don’t.”
Increase your activities
The pandemic over the past 2 years should have taught us to focus on mental health and well-being. I think it’s time to focus on being a better human first, and then the science of being a good salesperson will take care of itself. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being.
The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. When you focus on what’s going wrong then emotions take over your attention, the words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost. Remember mental health affects how we think, feel, and act and keeping your brain healthy involves habits that keep the rest of you healthy.
Mental health conditions don't discriminate
People of all genders can experience depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. I think that one can reap massive returns from believing in things people think are stupid until it’s no longer stupid, which is why immunity to embarrassment is such an important superpower for founders and investors. And I tend to follow the Brain Tracy advice - “Never complain, never explain. Resist the temptation to defend yourself or make excuses.”
A gift
Six things mentally strong people do:
1. They move on and don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
2. They embrace change and welcome challenges.
3. They stay happy and don’t waste energy on things they can’t control.
4. They are kind, fair and unafraid to speak up.
5. They are willing to take calculated risks.
6. They celebrate other people’s success and don’t resent that success.
Generosity is admirable
Business owners and leaders, your greatest asset is not your product or service, it is your people. How are you taking care of your employee's mental health during these stressful times? Investing in coaching for you and your team can save your business! Contact me via e-mail and let's arrange a meeting.
We all have issues
Image c/o Afro-Punk
Mental Health Awareness Month has been observed in the month of May since 1949 in the United States. I am in Europe and still thought it relevant to write a little about the topic. Those of you who are regular readers know that throughout my life I have continuously observed human behaviour and consider myself to be mentally strong. I have been exposed to trauma, stigma and systemic discrimination on a daily basis, so I wanted to highlight that we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. Rather than beat myself up for my mistakes, I focus on learning from them and accept full responsibility for my behaviour and then I choose to move forward in a productive manner. How do you feel about making mistakes?
Disclaimer: The content below is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
10 things mentally strong people won't do:
They don’t dwell on mistakes.
They don’t hang around negative people.
They don’t stop believing in themselves.
They don’t wait for an apology to forgive.
They don’t feel sorry for themselves.
They don’t hold grudges.
They don’t allow anyone to limit their joy.
They don’t limit the joy of others.
They don’t get lazy.
They don’t get negative or bitter.
Don’t let the world make you hard, don’t let the pain make you hate and don’t let the bitterness steal your sweetness.
Self Help
c/o The Telegraph
Everybody is talking about Matt Haig’s book, “The Midnight Library”. I think that his book “Notes on a Nervous Planet” is a masterpiece as it offers a personal look at how to feel happy and stay human in the twenty-first century.
On New Years Day, Matt posted on his Instagram feed a “Self Help” guide, it’s simple and easy top follow:
1. How to stop time: KISS
2. How to travel in time: READ
3. How to escape in time: MUSIC
4. How to feel time: WRITE
5. How to release time: BREATHE
We Are All Fragile
Today, all the FA Cup matches will start with a minute’s silence to bring awareness to mental health issues. I wonder what are the effects of stabbings, shootings and gang-related incidents on young males who have been conditioned not to speak their peers about emotional issues? Now as a Londoner who has been living in Copenhagen for 23 years where ethnic minorities, in general, are also not integrated within mainstream society, I have been observing disenfranchised men for decades.
How hurt we feel about our loss and if we do express it in any way then it is expected to be in a masculine way, for example, retaliation, revenge, speaking about retribution, etc., and that’s what we have been teaching each other for years. Perhaps this is why we have such a high rate of suicide amongst men because the dialogue is just not there. We are not speaking amongst ourselves about emotional issues, being open with one another about how we feel. Speaking up may not solve everything but it will definitely help!
Many of us have heard about soldiers who served in Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria who returned ”home” with post-traumatic stress disorder. I think that there are similarities between war zones and the everyday battle young men are facing in our inner cities. The trauma of thinking that if they look at somebody in the ”wrong” way, they may be stabbed - this mindset are making people do some really crazy stuff. I can engage with these youngsters on their level, I can give them focus and aspiration because if we can change their mental game then we can change their external world.
We are all fragile, we all have traumas and it’s easy to judge people we see struggling with addictions, weight issues, self-esteem, etc. We have all been in a bad place in our heads, take a moment to think about that time in your life and just imagine how far you would have fallen you if didn’t have a support structure around you. There are many of us who think that we have got it together, we should all remember that we are only a few steps away from losing it all.
Fear is a condition for those we help, contact me here to book a 1:1 session...