happiness

Understanding change

c/o LinkedIn

Understanding what we can change and what we cannot change in this world creates a wonderful harmony, because when we cannot do anything about it, then we just have to accept it. This is part of our life, and life is very imperfect and I am imperfect, I’m neither good or bad, I’m just a regular human being. And through this method of acceptance we can take giant steps towards a greater realm of happiness.

““God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.””
— The Serenity Prayer

Egyptian Mythology

Satan held a meeting with the rest of his fellow devils to decide how to make mankind miserable. One of the devils suggested they take away man’s wealth.

Satan replied, “No, actually increase his wealth to increase his sins and his worries.”

Another young devil suggested to take away man’s brain.

Satan replied, “No, man cannot comprehend misery unless he has a brain.”

An old and seasoned she-devil said, “Let us steal his happiness.”

Satan looking convinced said, “Yes, that is it, that is man’s most precious thing, that will make him really miserable. But then they had to decide where to hide ‘happiness.’ One of the devils suggested to hide it deep in the ocean, another suggested high at the top of the mountains.

Satan said, “No, it’s a matter of time and mankind will invent something to reach and find it. The same old she-devil said, “Hide it where he will never look, hide it deep within himself, deep in his heart. Man will look for his happiness in wealth, glory, power, pride and joys of life and he will not find it there, because it is within himself.”

Satan bowed in respect for this old she-devil. Since then, man has been searching for happiness everywhere while it is hidden inside him.”

Happiness is not a destination

Happiness is a skill that can be developed by aligning your inner values with your external actions, finding contentment in your life and decisions, and focusing on what you can control. Understanding and living in alignment with your values is key to living a happier and more fulfilled life. I think that by treating yourself with kindness and respect is essential for our health and happiness. The best people that I know are not chasing compliments or validation. Learn to fight for your happiness and do it with dignity, optimism, and grace.

““Sir, I am a true laborer; I earn that I eat, get that I wear; owe no man hate, envy no man’s happiness; glad of other men’s good, content with my harm; and the greatest of my pride is to see my ewes graze and my lambs suck.””
— William Shakespeare

Care free

Those only who are happy are those who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness. For example, the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit followed not as a means but as itself as an ideal end. It means by aiming less at something else they find the way. I think your success in life depends on your ability to make good decisions. Your happiness depends on your ability to not care about the outcomes.

In the making

Human beings are unique in their ability to experience pleasure from remembering past happiness. You cannot always predict the major events that will shape your life, nor can you change the genetic factors that influence your basic happiness set point. You can't control what other people do or say, all you can control is how you react to it. Remember some skills improve communication, like emotional intelligence (EQ), as it enables people to better understand their own emotions as well as the emotions of those around them. Book recommendation: “Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ” by Daniel Goleman

 

The hedonic treadmill is a metaphor for the human tendency to pursue one pleasure after another. People talk about the hedonic treadmill that we have, where it’s like you are constantly striving for new and exciting things. That's because the surge of happiness that's felt after a positive event is likely to return to a steady personal baseline over time, you actually become less happy because it makes you more aware of all the things that you are missing out on. I think freedom is where you are not on the hedonic treadmill and pleasure which comes from selfless acts will tend to outlast physical pleasures.

The secret to living is giving

One of the most important words for leadership and success is the word “How?” Whenever you have a goal, the only question you’ll ask is how can I achieve this goal? Whenever you have a problem, you ask; How can I solve this problem? Whenever you have an obstacle, you ask; How can I overcome this obstacle? Leaders think about what they want and how to get it most of the time and as a result, they are thinking about their goals and the actions required to achieve them. They are thinking about the actions every single minute of every single day to move faster towards achieving that goal.

“Happiness is the progressive step-by-step realisation of a worthy ideal or goal.”
— Earle Nightingale

When you feel yourself moving step-by-step towards achieving something that is important to you, you’ll feel positive and happy most of the time. Unsuccessful people think about what they don’t want, they think about the things that make them angry and sad, usually past events that they can’t change, and they think about who’s to blame for all of their problems. So, whenever you see people talking and complaining about things that they can’t change, things that are their responsibility and blaming others, then you know that you are dealing with a negative unhappy person with a very limited future and with a very unhappy present. I think the way you take control of you mind by grabbing the wheel of a vehicle is to start thinking about what you want and how to get it all day long and you’ll automatically become positive and start to think that you are in control of your life.

 

I have a coaching client who wanted to change her habitual internal dialogue, so I proposed that she used my five alarms technique for 30 days. The goal is to change towards more productive thoughts or feelings 5 times a day. The five alarms technique is when you set an alarm 5 times a day, and every time the alarm sounds, you should ask herself 3 questions: What am I playing over in my mind? What am I thinking about now? What am I feeling? It works, try it for yourselves and you can thank me in 30 days.

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Learning new things

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Happiness is not simply the absence of despair; it’s an affirmative state in which our lives have both meaning and pleasure. Most people know what is good for them and they know what will make them feel better. Most people don’t avoid meaningful life habits because of ignorance of their value, but because they are no longer “motivated” to do them. They are waiting until they feel better and frequently this is an extremely long wait. 

 

HAPPY PEOPLE:
·      Express gratitude
·      Cultivate optimism
·      Avoid over thinking
·      Practice kindness
·      Nurture relationships
·      Learn to forgive 


 

Many experiences in life that bring happiness are in your control. The more choices you are able to exercise, and control, the happier you are likely to be. You are responsible for your own life experiences, whether you are seeking a meaningful life or a happy life. I think that virtually all the happiness-producing processes in our lives take time, usually a long time, for example, changing old behaviours, building new relationships, raising children, etc. This is why patience and determination are among life’s primary virtues. Contact me via e-mail when you ready to install acceptance, gratitude and accomplishment into yourself or organisation.

Hope is not a strategy

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Who’s in the drivers seat?
Some people go through the day with their fingers crossed and there are other people who are blaming others for their current life situation. My advice is to grow up and take some responsibility:

·      If you wish to be successful, study success.

·      If you wish to be happy, study happiness.

·      If you wish to be wealthy, study wealth.

I think that the only way you can change your economic, social, and spiritual life is through study. You may not be able to do all that you find out, but you should find out all you can do.

“Hope is not a strategy.
Luck is not a factor.
Fear is not an option.”
— James Cameron

Our clients always come first

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How you approach life says a lot about who you are. As I get older, I have learned to focus more on experiences that bring meaning and fulfilment to my life. I try to consistently pursue life goals that will make me and my closest relations happy; this is a trait that many individuals search for their entire lives. I think that nothing gives a person inner wholeness and peace like a distinct understanding of where they are going, how they can get there, and a sense of control over their actions. Contact me via e-mail and let me have your thoughts on happiness.

“Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power.”
— Seneca

According to the World Happiness Report 2012, “No people can be truly happy if they do not feel that they are choosing the course of their own life.” The report also found that having this freedom of choice is one of the six factors that explain why some people are happier than others. Nordic countries, including Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland and Iceland, have appeared on the top 10 of the World Happiness Report since it started publishing its annual rankings in 2012.

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Stop and smell the roses

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Happiness is an inside job, you really should not assign anyone else that much power over your life. Most people operate on autopilot, doing the same things today that didn’t work yesterday. They rarely stop to measure the impact of their actions on themselves and others, and how those actions affect their total well-being. As you stop to literally smell the roses, you start to realise other areas in your life where you could slow down a little to enjoy the beauty that surrounds you.


Many people wait for something to happen or someone to help them live their best lives. They expect others to make them happy and they think they have lost the ability to improve their lives. I think there are three components of happiness - something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. Think about it, if we have useful work, sustaining relationships, and the promise of pleasure, it is hard to be unhappy. And I use the term “work” to encompass any activity, paid or unpaid, that gives us a feeling of personal significance. If your daily actions and choices are making you unhappy, contact me via e-mail and let's arrange a meeting.

Listen to the little voice

c/o NLP Daily

c/o NLP Daily

Many of the happiest men and women in our society today are those who, at a certain point, got up and walked away from a situation that they finally realised was not making them fulfilled or happy. And they had the courage to decide that they were going to do what they loved to do, rather than what they felt they had to do. They looked deep within themselves and honestly assessed their own natural talents and abilities.

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The power of reframing things

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Reframing is a technique used to help create a different way of looking at a situation, person or relationship, by changing its meaning. Reframing requires seeing something in a new way, in a context that allows us to recognize and appreciate positive aspects of our situation. Reframing helps us to use whatever life hands us as opportunities to be taken advantage of, rather than problems to be avoided. I think that reality is not a particularly good guide to human happiness as we often forget:
1) Things are not what they are, they are are what we think they are.
2) Things are what we compare them to.

Another way to understand the concept of reframing is to imagine looking through the frame of a camera lens. The picture seen through the lens can be changed to a view that is closer or further away. By slightly changing what is seen in the camera, the picture is both viewed and experienced differently. Contact me via e-mail for guidance, mentorship or coaching.

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Success vs. Happiness

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Image c/o Haiku Deck

Image c/o Haiku Deck

I have always believed that success will not make you happy if you were not happy before becoming successful. I have never tied my self worth together with my accomplishments. There are many people who believe that happiness is over the next mountain and as long as they conquer that next thing or achieve that next milestone - then, that’s going to bring them happiness. In reality, if you are not happy before success, you will not be happy after achieving success.


I think happiness comes not from those big moments that you anticipate, but in the little joys of life, for example, the pleasure of walking in the park and observing the colours of the leaves; the joy of creating a morning smoothie, etc. Happiness comes from the the small moments, not from the big accomplishments, regardless of what it looks like from the outside.


In my opinion, happiness and success are two different things. Success is based on what I’ve achieved and happiness is based on what I feel about myself and about how I feel about what I am doing. Whenever I attempt to interconnect them, I remind myself that happiness and success give a separate sense of meaning and fulfilment.