communication

Don't crave attention

There is a load of measurable, quantifiable coaching programs out there but I’m all about the human-to-human communication. I would like to draw your attention towards attention. There is a spectrum that goes from noticing the other person to tuning into the other person, I mean emphasising and understanding what’s going on with them. Are they in need? Is there something we can do to help them with compassion? These questions only arise in the first place when we go down that road as information consumes attention.

“A wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.”
— Herbert Simon

In 2016, Daniel Goleman posted an interesting blog on Linkedin, in the blog Goleman quotes a landmark article by Robert Rosenthal and Linda Tickle-Degnan that described the three essential ingredients for rapport:

  1. Mutual attention,

  2. Shared positive feeling, and

  3. Synchrony or coordination.

How can you improve your listening skills? While there are many strategies for developing better listening habits, a key step is to become aware that you aren’t listening well. Poor listening is often an unconscious habit and as such is governed by the part of brains that handles automatic tasks. Before we can change a habit, we need to become aware of it. That type of awareness can be developed through mindfulness, the secret ingredient in habit change. Once we’re aware in the moment, we can choose to step away from distractions and focus attention on another person. You can read Daniel Goleman’s blog here.

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Small things matter

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You don't have to be in a position of authority to be a good leader and we can show that through our communication. To paraphrase Simon Sinek, “Leadership is irrespective of what level we are at.“ When you start a business there is a method and there are things you need to do in order to build it up. In business you have to set certain goals that you want to achieve and then act towards achieving those goals. Once you have defined your goals and begin to pursue them with your team you will find that obstacles continuously arise as you go towards it. 

 

Whenever you create something new, it’s rarely a smooth progression, you will have to overcome obstacles along the way in the form of people or situations that go wrong. I think that when an obstacle arises, immediately face the obstacle which can come in the form of a situation, for example, something is not working or something is going wrong or perhaps somebody is trying to sabotage you. What is your relationship to difficulties and obstacles that arise as you travel towards your goal?
 Contact me via e-mail as it's very helpful to share our stories with others as doing so will help you process your emotions.

In the making

Human beings are unique in their ability to experience pleasure from remembering past happiness. You cannot always predict the major events that will shape your life, nor can you change the genetic factors that influence your basic happiness set point. You can't control what other people do or say, all you can control is how you react to it. Remember some skills improve communication, like emotional intelligence (EQ), as it enables people to better understand their own emotions as well as the emotions of those around them. Book recommendation: “Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ” by Daniel Goleman

 

The hedonic treadmill is a metaphor for the human tendency to pursue one pleasure after another. People talk about the hedonic treadmill that we have, where it’s like you are constantly striving for new and exciting things. That's because the surge of happiness that's felt after a positive event is likely to return to a steady personal baseline over time, you actually become less happy because it makes you more aware of all the things that you are missing out on. I think freedom is where you are not on the hedonic treadmill and pleasure which comes from selfless acts will tend to outlast physical pleasures.

Mutual benefit

The world is an incredibly complicated place and none of us can ever have the full lock on truth, we only ever see the world from a particular vantage point. This means that our knowledge is going to have a special insight because of our vantage point, but it’s also going to be limited because of our vantage point. And so, this limited knowledge that we have about the world means that we must enter into any conversation with a deep sense of humility. This is because you need to help me to fill in my knowledge gaps, and I need you.



We have the opportunity to gain in our knowledge and to learn from anyone. I think that when we are thinking with humility anyone can be our teacher. The cool thing about conversations is when both of us look at the world from different vantage points, and that means that we each have something to offer the other. And this is true whether one person is the expert or not. A really great conversation is one where we genuinely learn something, or we come to a deeper understanding about why someone holds a particular point of view. It might have been a conversation that challenged you in all the right ways and left you feeling smarter. What are the design principles of a great conversation?


Words are words

Communication is a craft, it will serve you so well at home and in the marketplace, it will server you so well in your career and making your fortune. Here’s the combination; well-chosen words mixed with measured emotion. Not only do the words have to be well chosen, but the emotions also have to be well measured. I mean do not place too much power on a minor point, for example, nobody would get it, if you have a powerful point and a little bit of emotion. It wouldn’t make sense, therefore. adjust your style to fit the occasion and the emotional content. 


Effective communicators spend a lot of time getting to know the product's target customer. Whether it’s working on a job or advancing your career, whatever it is, craft your communications and become a little more aware. Effective communicators ask themselves:
•. What is the customer's pain?
•   What does the customer find frustrating with current products?
•   What will surprise and delight this customer?


The better you know your customer, the more effective you'll be at crafting messages that resonate with them. This is a craft, and the payoff is so great when your communication makes sense. Just ask yourself the question: Could we possibly get better at affecting people with our words and language? What about with style and emotion content? And if the answers are yes, contact me via e-mail for creating a framework that ensures it consistently works. 

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Understanding how people listen

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I think the basics of human interaction and communication is to speak to others the way you want them to speak to you. I have heard some really bad speakers, but I have never heard a bad speech. When I create material, I try to envisage that I am going to be the receiver, in other words I pretend that I’m in the audience listening to myself. Do you know what I mean? The reason I do this is because I think as a receiver, even if I don’t agree with your point of view, I will appreciate the fact that I am giving an honest effort to delivering what I truly see as the better point of view.


 

Taking a person from a place where they are right now and giving them the tools to invest in a better future. I think ultimately, people buy emotions and then justify their purchase with logic. Here are a 5 tips on how to create a human context speech:
1.     Greet your audience
2.     Explain early what your speech is about
3.     Speak slowly, use short word sentences
4.     Share what you think or how you feel
5.     End your speech with a conclusion

 

Would you like to learn how to write an authentic story that truly connects with your ideal customer? Sales happen when we inspire our customers to invest in a better future, please do not manipulate or trick them as sales professionals our mission is to inspire. Contact me via e-mail for sales training and workshops.

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Preaching to the choir

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Think about the times you have sat in an audience - whether in person or on a digital device – listening to a speaker, you are being influenced. It doesn’t matter what they are saying whether you think it is good or bad, how much you agree  or disagree with it, you are being influenced. This morning I looked up the word, influence and according to the Oxford English Dictionary, influence means “the capacity to have an effect on the character, development or behaviour of someone or something, or the effect itself.”

 

Each of us live our lives based on a worldview, and our worldview is essentially one’s spectrum of perceptions from knowledge to beliefs with countless opinions in between. In other words, our worldview consists of our knowledge, our opinions, and our beliefs. And if we have self-confidence, we hold each of these or all of them as truths, not true in that they could be proven, true, in that is how we see it. 

  • Knowledge is what we know with enough certainty and evidence to support it.

  • Beliefs is what we hold as true, although there is no objective or formal evidence to prove it. 

  • Opinions is what we hold with enough evidence to know that is the way we see things.

I can inform someone’s knowledge and if they disagree, I can support my view with enough evidence to convince them unless they just object no matter what. On the other hand, beliefs are what I believe even when I have no direct evidence to support it. Most of us have had beliefs through our lives that changed and became opinions. Opinions are what we hold as true because we have enough evidence and strong enough beliefs to see something as being proper. We have opinions about everything, for example, sports, relationships, health, parenting, leadership, management, etc. The reason why I have different views today than previously is that I have been persuaded to change many of my opinions through additional evidence and by views of others I trust.

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To listen is to pay attention to

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Without the ability to listen effectively messages are easily misunderstood. Most of us listen to the degree we can understand points of agreement or disagreement, or to prepare what to say in response, rather than to learn. And when we do that, we are not so much hearing other people as we are waiting for our turn to speak. Listening is key to all effective communication. I think that if there is one communication skill you should aim to master, then listening is the one.


From the sales perspective listening is the key to all effective communication as this skill is indispensable when seeking to build mutually beneficial relationships with potential clients.Listening means stepping outside one’s own interests, to actually want to know more, and to care what others’ interests are. To not just hear words, but to pay attention to the underlying needs and frames of reference, because in the end, successful sales numbers are the result of effective information gathering. If a salesperson can guide the conversation toward that prospect’s goals, roadblocks, and ambitions, it becomes much easier to design and deliver a pitch. Are you a good listener?

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From talk to action

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Many people are lacking a connection to their purpose or creating fulfilment in their lives. I love telling stories and I’m passionate about the impact and the effects storytelling has on society. Getting clarity in my message so that I can share it with the right people in the right way, so it can help me grow my impact. I think the biggest communication problem is that we don't listen to understand, we listen to reply as you will never get what you love by attacking what you hate. 

As human beings we are moved by emotion, not by information and data. I help people build that emotional connection whether it's in a one to one conversation or if you have to give a presentation in front of many people. Being your true self and conveying the message in a way that is going to connect. Contact me via e-mail for training or workshops about: How to connect with people in ways that influences and moves them?

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Copenhagen Fashion Week 2021

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“Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives, the cumulative experience of many masters of craftsmanship. Quality also marks the search for an ideal after necessity has been satisfied and mere usefulness achieved.”
— William A. Foster

The commitments

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After spending a little time in London and reconnecting with some of my old Irish friends. We discussed the books which were made into really good films and “The Commitments” came up. The books author, Roddy Doyle has ten tips to get you writing:

1. Be kind to yourself when you start. Fill pages as quickly as possible. See every filled page as a small achievement.

2. Don’t worry about the quality of what you write until after you’ve filled lots of pages.

3. Don’t be too worried about being worried. It’s part of the job. That’s you wondering if what you’re writing is good enough.

4. Give whatever you’re writing a title, as quickly as possible. You can change it later if you don’t like it.

5. Don’t try to plan everything before you start writing. Writing is a bit like making a friend. You gradually get to know him or her.

6. Make writing an important part of your daily – or weekly – routine. Being too busy isn’t an excuse. Write about being too busy!

7. Trust your own language, your own collection of words. You have thousands of words that you can use.

8. Chances are the words that come into your head will do fine, eg “horse”, “ran”, “said”.

9. Change your mind. Good ideas are often killed by better ones.

10. If you want to, show what you’re writing to other people. But remember: your opinion is much more important than theirs.

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What's your story?

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Story is the oldest human technology, it is the way that we communicate an idea to someone else. The story we tell ourselves, it’s the story we tell others about ourselves and we don’t have to tell it in words. It’s a story about oneself, it’s a story about health, sex, commitment. All of those pieces add up to the narrative we have about who we are and how we want other people to see us. Contact me via e-mail and tell me your story.

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What are you grateful for?

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Dr. Robert Emmons said, “You can’t feel envious and grateful at the same time. They’re incompatible feelings, because if you’re grateful, you can’t resent someone for owning things you don’t.” When we express gratitude, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin - two hormones that make us feel lighter and happier inside. I think we experience gratitude when we move our focus from what we don’t have to what we do, and when we take time to appreciate and be thankful for those who have contributed to the abundance in our lives. Contact me via e-mail and let me know what you are grateful for.

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Win, lose or draw

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How many people do you know who are unaffected by praise or blame?We spend on much time reacting to labels, are own and others’. When you win, be kind and when you lose, be kind, most people learn these valuable lesson in kindergarten. I think that to completely disagree with someone and yet engage with them with respect and honesty, is a superpower. I have observed that smart people are not offended by the truth.

“We all need a personal mythology not because it tells us who we are but because it tells us who to aspire to be.”
— David Amerland
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From storytelling to story selling

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Last weekend I had a long discussion with a friend about importance of storytelling. I felt obliged to tell her about my experience with luxury and high-end designer consumer goods. And she switched me on to the term “story-selling”, and the importance of story selling for luxury brands if they want to communicate with a younger audience. This morning I watched an “old” video from Burberry - “The Tale of Thomas Burberry” - well in the fashion world what happened in 2016 is old 😊. This is luxury storytelling at its best! The video combines drama with heritage and at the same time depicts the brand founders life story in 3.5 minutes.