Communication thrives on stories, and questions are the conduits shaping its course. I strategically ask questions that elicit conversation, aiming to activate their self-disclosure loop. I prioritise actively listening and offering undivided attention to incentivise my clients to share, making them feel valued, and this rapport often leads them to unveil their narrative. In my experience, once they hit the 'too much information' zone, it's simply a matter of leaning back and letting them guide the discussion toward everything necessary to seal the deal. Whether it's about planning the next step, scheduling another meeting, or diving deeper into discovery, I adapt to their language and seamlessly prompt for it.
Be present
Sometimes the best way to support and help others is to give your undivided attention, reading the room and balancing one’s contributions to ensure a value exchange that benefits all. I think that when you are waiting for a pause so that you can speak, you are not truly listening, and the most important part of listening is the ability to hear the unsaid. Everyone you meet knows more about something than you do, therefore, the goal is to leave people better than when you found them, and show you care more about the people around you.
Knowledge sharing
Good communication is essential for conveying expectations, providing feedback, resolving conflicts, and fostering a positive work environment. Leaders and managers should be able to communicate clearly, actively listen, and adapt their communication style to different individuals. I think the biggest communication problem is we don't listen to understand we listen to reply. Contact me via e-mail for an evaluation of your interpersonal communication skills.
““The most powerful person in the world is the storyteller.””
Receive and convey information
The basic communication skills are speaking, listening, reading, and writing. I think successful communication involves a dynamic exchange between speaking and listening as it’s through this exchange that you can build meaningful connections, foster trust, and create a sense of shared purpose. The way you communicate with others and present your ideas makes a lasting impression on people by keeping them engaged. With effective communication and active listening, you will not only convey your message but also establish authentic and mutually beneficial relationships, driving personal growth and collective progress.
Fundamental skills
The ability to listen is even more effective in the personal development arena than just telling your audience to join the mission. As effective communication involves crafting narratives that resonate with your audience, appealing to their emotions, values, and aspirations. By presenting a clear and compelling story, you can inspire others to share your passion and align themselves with your goals. I think effective communication is not solely about talking or delivering persuasive messages, it also entails actively listening and understanding the perspectives, needs, and desires of your audience. The act of listening is a powerful tool in personal development and relationship-building as by attentively listening to others, you gain insights into their motivations, concerns, and aspirations. And this will enable you to tailor your messages and initiatives to resonate more deeply with their interests and address their specific needs.
The complexity of listening
Joseph DeVito in his book, “Essentials of Human Communication” divided the listening process into five stages: receiving, understanding, remembering, evaluating and feedback. I think by becoming aware of what is involved with active listening and where difficulties might lie, you can prepare yourself both as a listener and as a speaker to minimise listening errors with your own public speeches. Contact me via e-mail and let me know whether you are aware of the verbal and nonverbal ways of indicating your appreciation for or your disagreement with the messages or the speakers at the end of the message.
“Your style introduces you before you even speak.”
Don't say it
Leadership is about inspiring others to believe and enabling that belief to become reality. Inviting dissenting views and amplifying quiet voices are acts of leadership. The true leader in a group is rarely the person who talks the most, it's usually the person who listens best. Listening is more than hearing what’s said, and I think it’s also noticing and surfacing what isn’t said as communication doesn't only happen verbally.
Reading the room
First, you read what you see - I mean reading body language. Salespersons soon learn that if the customer have their arms folded and chin tucked down with a frown on their face then this is going to take all your skills to get their arms unfolded and make them a little more comfortable. Crossed arms and legs are a clear signal that there is resistance to your ideas. Second, you’ve got the read what you hear. If it’s a two-way conversation you must listen as well as talk. We have two ears, one mouth, therefore, we should listen twice as much as we speak. Listen so that you know how to proceed and the best way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active listening." And finally, you have to pick up the emotional signals, for example, are you coming on too strong? How does your customer feel? etc.
I think reading the room is an art form; first what you see, then what you hear and finally what you feel. Speaking the same language as your customers is a subtle way to make them feel more welcomed. Contact me via e-mail for 1:1 session or to arrange a “reading the room” workshop for your team.
Become a better listener
Active listening is different from hearing or even paying attention, hearing is something we do without thinking and without consciously trying to. I think a deeper level is when we listen for context, so here are some tips on how to improve your listening skills:
1. Talk less
2. Do not interrupt
3. Maintain direct eye contact
4. Put your phone down
5. Listen with your eyes and look for the unsaid
6. Remain interested
7. And if you are waiting for a pause, so that you can speak, then you're not actively listening
Ask questions and listen
Listen without an agenda and sincerely focus on how your product or service can best serve your customer’s hopes, dreams, and goals. It’s a good idea to listen with mindfulness and then respond with a question instead of thinking about what you are going to say next while your customer is talking. I think of listening as a meditation, just being present and jotting things down in my notebook. In my experience, it’s a best practice to get as much information as possible before trying to answer, as building win-win relationships means remembering that it is not about what we want but what the other person wants.
“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”
Selling to do good
When I think about all the salespersons that I have trained over the years, they tend to forget the listening part really quickly. After they have done enough sales presentations and they know what’s facing them and can predict where the conversation is going, they “fall asleep at the wheel.” They forget that it is for their benefit, find the buyer’s needs and fulfill them. I think the greatest benefit of listening is the impact it has on the buyer.
Great selling really starts with great listening and understanding what the clients need really truly are. It’s essential to listen and make the buyer feel that you hear them and understand their problem. If the buyer feels understood, then they will be open to building a trust relationship with you and this will put you in a position to influence their choices and decisions. I think when you really listen to the buyer, you will discover their problem at a much deeper and profound level and that’s where the magic happens.
To listen is to pay attention to
Without the ability to listen effectively messages are easily misunderstood. Most of us listen to the degree we can understand points of agreement or disagreement, or to prepare what to say in response, rather than to learn. And when we do that, we are not so much hearing other people as we are waiting for our turn to speak. Listening is key to all effective communication. I think that if there is one communication skill you should aim to master, then listening is the one.
From the sales perspective listening is the key to all effective communication as this skill is indispensable when seeking to build mutually beneficial relationships with potential clients.Listening means stepping outside one’s own interests, to actually want to know more, and to care what others’ interests are. To not just hear words, but to pay attention to the underlying needs and frames of reference, because in the end, successful sales numbers are the result of effective information gathering. If a salesperson can guide the conversation toward that prospect’s goals, roadblocks, and ambitions, it becomes much easier to design and deliver a pitch. Are you a good listener?
We are living in interesting times
c/o Heineken
The European Super League was a proposed annual club football competition to be contested by twenty European football clubs. It was planned as a breakaway competition to replace the UEFA Champions League. The announcement of the Super League received almost universal opposition from fans, players, managers, politicians, as well as footballs governing bodies (FIFA and UEFA). Much of the criticism against the European Super League focused on elitism and lack of competitiveness and the backlash against the announcement of the league's formation led to all six of the English clubs (Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United and Tottenham) announcing their intention to withdraw within 3 days after being officially announced. Over the last seven days we have witnessed that some of the wealthiest men in the world are totally out of touch with their end users.
The basic rules of communication says that the art of being an effective communicator is predicated in part by your ability to translate your thoughts into the language that your audience understands. I wonder whether the billionaire owners of Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United and Tottenham have the courage to come out of their bubbles and talk to the fans, players and managers. Not showing up as the teachers but to come into the room as humble students. I think that if you want to be a great speaker, you must first learn to become a great listener.
When you lose your ability to hear eventually it will affect your ability to speak, because there is a correlation between what the ear hears and what the mouth articulates. Every great orator is a great listener and I think we have not only lost our ability to speak but also our ability to listen. Nowadays, people are pausing while they formulate their next approach to attack, and that’s not listening. If we actually take the time to listen, most of us all want the same thing - to be loved, to be appreciated, to be accepted as we are and we all want what’s best for our children. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a meeting about your customer experience, communication strategy or if you want to introduce me to the owners of Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United or Tottenham.