I THINK — Stephen Burrell

Stephen Burrell

Trust the process

Here’s a thoughtful list of mindset shifts that support emotional detachment in a healthy, self-empowering way:
- Let people be who they want to be, then decide if you want them in your life.
- Trust that rejection is always redirection to something bigger and better.  
- Some people are only meant to help you grow, not be in your life forever.
- What if everything is falling apart to come together in a way you can’t guess?
- Focus only on what you can control.

I think each point touches on a different layer of letting go, trusting the process, and reclaiming your energy.

Failure is not an option

Image: Costas K. Gian ©

In investing, as in life, every dip teaches, and every fall refines. Each setback is not an end, but a stepping stone, it’s an opportunity to learn, adjust, and grow. The butterfly only takes flight after enduring the struggle, and so too must we embrace the challenges that shape us. Stay invested, both financially and personally, and commit to continuous evolution. Learn from the fall, acknowledge the journey, and take the time to investigate what lies beneath the surface. I think that only then can you rise again, wiser, stronger, and with renewed purpose.

Making wise choices

As a conscious and creative being, I recognise that I have the power and the ability to intentionally shape my life according to my deepest desires. I understand that I will only attract what I am truly focused on. That’s why it’s essential to choose my focus wisely, direct it with purpose, and maintain it consistently. I am patient with the process, yet relentless in my focus. I trust in the unfolding of my vision while remaining committed to my role in bringing it to life. And above all, I choose to enjoy the journey.

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Building interpersonal skills

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If you really want to learn more, start by listening more. It sounds simple but listening with the intent to understand and not to reply is one of the most overlooked leadership skills. Real learning begins when we create space for others to speak, and when we resist the urge to fill that space with our own voice. Nobody has ever learned anything new by dominating the conversation or hearing themselves talk. I think listening is where insight, trust, and real connections are built.

““The capacity to learn is a gift; the ability to learn is a skill; the willingness to learn is a choice.””
— Brian Herbert

Have a nice day

Did you know that people who genuinely love themselves tend to naturally attract love from others? When you are truly at peace with yourself, you are not focused on finding faults in others. Instead, you are drawn to the qualities that resonate with you, the parts that bring you joy. Research shows that gratitude has a profound impact on our bodies, including strengthening the immune system.

““If you spend your time chasing butterflies, they will fly away. But if you spend your time making a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come. Do not chance, attract.””
— Unknown

Reality check

In my control:
My attitude
My boundaries
My energy
My response
My self-talk
The way I process emotions
The way I speak
The way I treat others
Who I choose to spend my time with

Out of my control
Aging
External events
Other people’s beliefs & behaviours
Other people’s opinion of me
Outcomes
The future
The past
The way people speak to me
The way people treat me
Time
What others say about me

Living the dream

Image c/o Disney ©

Sometimes living in Denmark feels like stepping into my own version of Alice in Wonderland. Like Alice, I am guided by an insatiable curiosity and a thirst for adventure. Her ability to think unconventionally and adapt to strange, often surreal situations mirrors my own independent spirit and willingness to embrace the unfamiliar. Navigating a new culture, language, and way of life has pushed me to grow, reflect, and see the world through a different lens, just as Alice did in her whimsical journey.

Coaching isn’t a quick fix

As a coach, I can share the research, the data, and the average return on investment, but I can’t and definitely won’t promise specific outcomes. There are too many “get rich quick” or “guaranteed weight loss” schemes online. That’s not what coaching is, and it's unethical for coaches to make those kinds of claims. Instead, do good. Seek out opportunities to do good proactively. Here are five ways you can do that:

  1. Educate yourself
    Learn about diversity, inclusion, psychological safety, cultural awareness, and access barriers. Stay curious.

  2. Self-assess
    Ask yourself: “Where am I now?” “How am I doing?” “How am I coming across to others?”I have a leadership assessment form available, just send me an email and I’ll be happy to share it with you.

  3. Practice self-reflection
    Regularly ask: “What impact am I having?” and “How am I showing up in my actions and words?”

  4. Communicate your openness
    Diversity isn’t only visual. Ask yourself: “How am I communicating what I value and who I serve?”

  5. Expand access
    Coaching can be transformative. I constantly consider how I can increase access to it for people who may not be able to afford it.

Consider the power dynamics

c/o Shamillah Wilson ©

How do I, as a coach, embody and demonstrate professionalism, collaboration, humanity, and equity?
There is a strong emphasis on diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging. This means recognising the identities of different groups, treating people fairly, and understanding that bias and systemic inequality exist, even when they are unintentional or go unnoticed. Our personal beliefs may say one thing, but our actions, biases, and the systems we operate within may tell a different story. That’s why I think it’s essential to engage in self-reflection, challenge assumptions, and actively work toward creating equitable spaces. What do you think?

Hold space for others

How are you holding space for others to thrive?
I think self-awareness is a key component of success in the DEI space. There is so much nuance and ambiguity in DEI work that many of the necessary skills will develop over time. Much of the knowledge required to become a subject matter expert comes from lived experience, trial, and error. Many traditional frameworks and approaches to DEI have failed in the past…
In a world where everything revolves around technology, we must not forget the crucial role that human emotions play.

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Skin in the game

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In my experience, I have discovered a crucial factor that determines the effectiveness of leadership development, having “skin in the game.” Over the years, I have shared leadership insights and strategies with many professionals, sometimes for free and sometimes for a fee. A striking pattern emerged, when people received guidance for free, they rarely implemented it. However, when they paid for the same advice, implementation rates skyrocketed. This observation highlights an important truth: commitment increases when there is something at stake. In our society, money is a common way to ensure this commitment. When individuals invest financially in their growth, they are more likely to take action and extract value from the experience.

Finding truth in fiction

The above image has been my Facebook banner since 2013. It was taken in Sachsenhausen (Frankfurt) around that period.

The past few years have been destabilising, leaving many people questioning what’s true and what they believe. Fear is rampant, and extremists are thriving on it, I think mistrust in Western society is at an all-time high. One of the reasons I love fiction is that I don’t have to question whether it’s real. This makes me more open to the messages it conveys. When something is presented as fact, I have to ask: Who said it? Where did it come from? Is it credible? Can it be backed up with data? With fiction, I can simply engage with the world the author has created. I don’t need to verify its reality. I can accept, challenge, or respond to its ideas however I choose. In a strange way, fiction can reveal deeper truths about reality.

Main Character Syndrome

I recently came across the term Main Character Syndrome (MCS), and it immediately caught my attention. At first, I laughed it off, thinking about those overly dramatic Instagram or TikTok videos where people romanticize their daily coffee runs or city walks as if they’re in a coming-of-age film. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised, we all have a little bit of MCS in us. It can show up in different ways: over-dramatising life events, narrating experiences in a cinematic way, or even seeing friends and colleagues as “supporting characters” rather than individuals with their own lives. I think if we are all the main characters in our own stories, let’s just make sure we’re not forgetting everyone else in the cast.

Mood follows action

Discomfort can be a powerful motivator, but it requires action. To change your state, you have to break the pattern. So, whenever I feel stuck, I don’t wait for motivation, I just move as the shift in my physical state rearranges my mental state, and it works for me every time. I think that action isn’t just the cure for stagnation; it’s the spark that reignites energy, it the key is to do something, anything, no matter how small. Movement creates momentum, and momentum fuels change. You don’t think your way out of feeling stuck; you break free by doing.

““It is through the mistakes that the greatest learning happens on an inner level.””
— Eckhart Tolle

Coaching keys

c/o Forbes ©

A good coach delivers key qualities that foster growth and success, including:

  • Self-belief

  • Self-motivation

  • Choice

  • Clarity

  • Commitment

  • Awareness

  • Responsibility

  • Action

Confidentiality is a fundamental principle of coaching, ensuring that any information obtained during the coaching engagement remains protected unless explicit consent is given for its release. However, confidentiality may be broken if the client expresses intent to harm themselves or others, or if disclosure is required by law.

Silence is golden

Yesterday, I was asked for a list of clients, and I explained that my coaching clients are confidential. As a result, I cannot reveal the names of the individuals, organisations or companies with whom I work with. Confidentiality is the essence of my business ethics, all my clients sign NDAs, and I promise not to use their names or affiliations for any promotional purposes. However, they are free to refer me to their colleagues, family, or friends.

Think about it

Does this strategy still serve you?
Sometimes I tend to ask a question when asked a question, so what’s the deeper impact of holding onto an old approach? I want our clients to connect with what is truly possible and recognise what is timely for them, whether it’s aligning with their values, making intentional choices, or taking decisive action. I think when they tap into their intrinsic "why" and their deeper inspiration, real change becomes inevitable. How does the decision you're making today impact your team, colleagues, family, or even your legacy?

Marking the moment

When a leader demoralises an entire team by undermining a project, when a team member checks out and doesn’t pull their weight, or when a bully forces a future star to quit the organisation, we too often shrug our shoulders and justify it. We tell ourselves that this person has tenure, possesses key vocational skills, or simply insist, “He really isn’t that bad.” I think by doing so, we signal to everyone else that poor behaviour is acceptable and that competence or longevity excuses toxicity.

Over time, this tolerance erodes trust, stifles innovation, and drives top talent away. Those who remain become disengaged, wary of stepping forward for fear that bad actors will continue unchecked. The cost of inaction isn’t just a hit to morale, it’s lost productivity, damaged reputations, and an organisational culture that rewards survival over excellence.The real question isn’t whether we can afford to challenge these individuals, but whether we can afford not to.

Take ownership

When we talk about who feels safe, we need to consider those most at risk of harm. Safety isn’t a privilege, it’s a right. Yet, time and time again, marginalised people are left out of the conversation. Where are the free speech advocates when it comes to calling out injustice? I remember a young woman who was sexually harassed at work by her boss. She felt powerless, unheard, but I couldn’t stay silent. I took action, spoke to the right people, stood by her, and made sure her voice was heard. I’m sure if this happened today, I would probably be cancelled. What do you think?

The Oscar coaching model

The O.S.C.A.R. model makes sense as a solution-focused coaching framework as it effectively emphasises goal setting, understanding the present state, evaluating choices, taking action, and reviewing progress. The flow is logical and encourages forward momentum rather than dwelling on problems.

Outcome - Define the desired outcome and set clear goals for the session.

Situation - Understand the client’s current circumstances and emotions.

Choices & Consequences - Explore potential choices and their impacts.

Actions - Identify the next steps to move forward.

Review - Plan for follow-up and progress assessment.